the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
