I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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