i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
