I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
