are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
