I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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