last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
