After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
