your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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