I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
