I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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