Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
