Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
