I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
