i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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