Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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