when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
