I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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