She said her name was "party"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
MIDGETS
????
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
