god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
