Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
