the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
