My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
