But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Soap is not a condiment
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
