i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
