so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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