I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
