She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
