Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
