He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
