We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
