I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Drunk is a universal language darling
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
