I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think I won the penis lottery.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize