Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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