and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
