you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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