I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
