i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
