He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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