ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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