he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
