How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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