maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
