She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
