I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
