So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
