shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
