man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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