Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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