Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
