finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
