how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
