Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
