Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
