Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
