I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
