Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"

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(416): View more from Toronto

you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

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(512): View more from Texas

Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it

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(818): View more from California

Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."

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(650): View more from California

There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.

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(727): View more from Florida

The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.

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