I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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