i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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