Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
