i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
