I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
