i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Send help, water and tortillas.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
