I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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